100 Questions to Ask Your Spouse: Conversation Starters for Deeper Connection
When's the last time you had a real conversation with your spouse? Not about logistics, schedules, or who's picking up the kids—but a genuine conversation where you learned something new about each other?
As a Christian couples therapist in Greensboro, NC, one of the simplest tools I give couples is this: ask better questions. Curiosity builds connection. When you're genuinely interested in your spouse's inner world, intimacy deepens.
Whether you're newlyweds still discovering each other or you've been married for decades, these questions can spark meaningful conversations. Use them on date nights, during long drives, over morning coffee, or whenever you want to move beyond surface-level chat.
Pick a few that intrigue you and see where the conversation goes. The goal isn't to interrogate—it's to be curious, to listen, and to keep learning about the person you've chosen to share life with.
About Dreams and the Future
If you could do anything for work and money wasn't a factor, what would you do?
What's something you've always wanted to learn but haven't yet?
Where do you see us in five years? Ten years?
What's a dream you had as a kid that you've let go of? Do you still think about it?
If we could live anywhere in the world, where would you choose?
What's one thing you want to accomplish before you die?
How do you want to be remembered?
What does your ideal retirement look like?
Is there a skill or hobby you'd like to develop?
What's something you hope we'll do together that we haven't done yet?
About the Past
What's your earliest childhood memory?
Who was your best friend growing up? What were they like?
What's a moment from your past that shaped who you are today?
What was your relationship with your parents like when you were young?
What was your favorite subject in school? Why?
What's a memory from your teenage years that still makes you laugh?
What's something difficult from your past that you've healed from?
Who was your first crush? What attracted you to them?
What's a tradition from your childhood you'd like to carry into our family?
What's something you wish you could tell your younger self?
About Us
What's your favorite memory of us together?
When did you first know you loved me?
What's something I do that always makes you feel loved?
What attracted you to me when we first met?
What's one way I've changed since we got together?
What's something about our relationship that surprised you?
What do you think is our greatest strength as a couple?
What's an area where you think we could grow together?
What's your favorite way we spend time together?
If you could relive one day from our relationship, which would it be?
About Faith and Values
How has your relationship with God changed over the years?
What's a Bible verse or passage that's especially meaningful to you right now?
How do you experience God's presence?
What's a spiritual question you're wrestling with?
What does prayer mean to you?
How can I support your spiritual growth?
What do you think God is teaching you right now?
What's a way you've seen God work in your life recently?
What Christian leader or writer has influenced you most?
How do you want us to grow spiritually together?
About Emotions and Inner Life
What makes you feel most alive?
What are you most afraid of?
When do you feel most at peace?
What makes you feel anxious or stressed?
What brings you the most joy right now?
When do you feel most confident? Most insecure?
What's something that's been weighing on your mind lately?
How do you process difficult emotions?
What makes you feel understood by me?
What's something you wish I understood better about you?
About Daily Life and Preferences
What's your ideal morning routine?
If you had a completely free day with no obligations, how would you spend it?
What's a small thing that brings you joy during the day?
What energizes you? What drains you?
What's your favorite season and why?
What food could you eat every day and never get tired of?
What's your favorite way to relax after a hard day?
Are you a morning person or a night person?
What's your love language? (Words, touch, acts of service, gifts, quality time)
What's something that always cheers you up when you're down?
About Marriage and Connection
What's one thing I could do more of that would make you feel more loved?
What's one thing I could do less of?
How do you prefer to handle conflict between us?
What do you need from me when you're stressed?
How can I better support you on a daily basis?
What makes you feel most connected to me?
What's your favorite thing about being married to me?
What's something you admire about how we handle challenges together?
How do you want us to prioritize our relationship amid everything else?
What does intimacy mean to you beyond just physical connection?
About Challenges and Growth
What's the hardest thing you're dealing with right now?
What's a weakness of yours you're working on?
What's something you're proud of yourself for?
What's a mistake you've learned the most from?
How do you want to grow as a person this year?
What's a fear you'd like to overcome?
What's something difficult you're grateful you went through?
How do you handle failure or disappointment?
What motivates you to keep going when things are hard?
What's a character trait you want to develop?
About Fun and Playfulness
What's the funniest thing that's happened to you recently?
If you could have dinner with anyone (living or dead), who would it be?
What's your go-to karaoke song?
If you won the lottery tomorrow, what's the first thing you'd do?
What's a movie or TV show you could watch over and over?
What's your guilty pleasure?
If you could be an expert at any sport or activity, what would it be?
What's the best gift you've ever received?
What's something that always makes you laugh?
If you could travel anywhere tomorrow, where would we go?
About Deeper Reflection
What does a good life look like to you?
What are you most grateful for today?
What's something you believe that most people disagree with?
How do you define success?
What legacy do you want to leave?
What's a hard truth you've had to accept?
What matters most to you in life?
What's something you've changed your mind about over the years?
What gives your life meaning?
What's one thing you want me to always remember about you?
How to Use These Questions
On a date night: Pick 5-10 questions and take turns answering them. Don't rush—let the conversation develop naturally.
During a long drive: Work through a category together, each of you answering the same questions.
As a daily practice: Ask one question each morning over coffee or each evening before bed.
When you're feeling disconnected: Pull out this list and choose questions that help you reconnect.
For fun: Pick random numbers and answer whatever question corresponds, even if it's unexpected.
The Point of Asking
These questions aren't about having the "right" answers. They're about:
Staying curious about each other
Learning new things even after years together
Creating space for meaningful conversation
Showing interest in your spouse's inner world
Building intimacy through being known
The goal is connection. So ask with genuine curiosity, listen without judgment, and let yourself be surprised by what you discover.
You married a whole, complex human being. There's always more to learn.
Want help building deeper connection in your marriage? Contact Cardinal Counseling Connection today to schedule a consultation for Christian couples therapy in Greensboro, NC.
