The 10-Minute Marriage Check-In: A Simple Weekly Practice for Staying Connected

How often do you and your spouse have a real conversation about how you're actually doing? Not as a household management team, but as two people sharing life together?

If you're like most couples, the answer is "not often enough." Life gets busy. You talk about schedules, groceries, kids, bills, and logistics. But weeks can go by without checking in on each other's inner worlds, without asking how your spouse is really doing, without discussing what matters beyond the daily grind.

As a Christian couples therapist in Greensboro, NC, one of the simplest but most powerful practices I recommend to couples is this: a weekly 10-minute check-in. Just ten minutes where you pause the logistics and actually connect.

This isn't another meeting. It's not about managing your calendar or dividing tasks. It's about staying connected to each other's spiritual life, emotional world, relationship experience, and practical needs. It's about making sure you're moving through life together, not just parallel to each other.

Here's how to do it.

Why a Weekly Check-In Matters

Before we get to the how, let's talk about the why. Why does this simple practice make such a difference?

It creates an intentional connection. Without a regular check-in, connection happens only when you have time or when there's a crisis. This practice ensures you connect consistently, even in busy seasons.

It catches small issues before they become big ones. When you check in weekly, you address frustrations, disconnection, or stress while they're still manageable. You don't let resentment build for months before finally exploding.

It keeps you aware of each other's inner worlds. You learn what God is teaching your spouse, what they're dreaming about, what they're worried about. You stay current with each other instead of drifting apart.

It builds a culture of communication. When checking in is a regular practice, it becomes natural to share what's really going on rather than keeping it inside.

It shows your marriage is a priority. Ten minutes a week says, "You matter. We matter. Our connection is worth protecting."

The Four Areas to Cover

Your 10-minute check-in covers four key areas of life. You don't need to spend equal time on each—some weeks one area will need more attention than others. The goal is to touch on each one so nothing gets neglected.

1. Spiritual: What is Jesus teaching you?

This question invites you into each other's spiritual life. It's not asking for a performance or a polished answer—it's genuine curiosity about what God is doing in your spouse's heart.

Questions to explore:

• What is Jesus teaching you right now?

• How are you experiencing God's presence (or absence) lately?

• What are you sensing God might be inviting you into?

• Is there a Bible passage or spiritual practice that's been meaningful recently?

• How can I pray for you this week?

Why this matters: Your spiritual lives shape everything else. When you know what God is teaching your spouse, you can support their growth, pray specifically for them, and journey together in faith rather than alone.

What this isn't: This isn't a time to critique each other's spiritual lives or compare devotional habits. It's curiosity and support, not judgment.

2. Emotional: What are you scared, hopeful, or dreaming about?

This question gets at your inner emotional world—the fears, hopes, and dreams that often go unspoken in the busyness of daily life.

Questions to explore:

• What's been bringing you joy lately?

• What's been weighing on you or causing you stress?

• Is there anything you're afraid of right now?

• What are you hopeful about?

• What are you dreaming about—for yourself, for us, for our family?

• How have you been feeling about life in general?

Why this matters: Emotional connection is built on knowing each other's inner worlds. When you know what your spouse is scared of, hopeful about, or dreaming of, you can show up for them in meaningful ways. You're teammates in their emotional life, not strangers.

What this isn't: This isn't therapy where you solve all their problems. Sometimes your spouse just needs to be heard. Listen, validate, and ask how you can support them—don't jump immediately to fixing.

3. Relational: What have you appreciated about our relationship this week?

This question shifts focus to your connection itself. It's easy to notice what's wrong or missing, but this practice trains you to notice what's good.

Questions to explore:

• What have you appreciated about us this week?

• What's one thing I did that made you feel loved or cared for?

• Is there anything in our relationship that's been bothering you or feeling off?

• What's something you'd like more of from me?

• What's one way we've grown closer lately?

• How are you feeling about us right now?

Why this matters: Regularly naming what you appreciate builds gratitude and positive momentum. And creating space to mention what's bothering you (gently, not critically) prevents small frustrations from becoming major resentments.

What this isn't: This isn't a complaint session. Lead with appreciation, then if something needs addressing, bring it up with curiosity and kindness, not criticism. "I've been feeling disconnected when we don't have time together in the evenings. Can we figure out how to protect that time?" not "You never make time for me."

4. Practical: What's coming up that we need to discuss?

This is the only "logistics" part of the check-in, but it's important. It ensures you're on the same page about what's ahead and prevents surprises.

Questions to explore:

• What's on the calendar this week that we need to coordinate?

• Are there any decisions we need to make together?

• Is there anything coming up that you're stressed about or need help with?

• Do we have any scheduling conflicts we need to resolve?

• Are there household or family things we need to plan for?

Why this matters: Even in a relationship check-in, practical coordination matters. But by putting it last (after spiritual, emotional, and relational connection), you ensure logistics don't crowd out intimacy.

What this isn't: This isn't a full-blown planning session. If you discover something that needs more discussion, schedule a separate time for it. The check-in should stay brief.

How to Actually Do This

Knowing what to cover is one thing. Actually building this into your weekly rhythm is another. Here's how to make it happen:

Pick a Consistent Time

Choose a specific day and time each week for your check-in. Treat it like any other important appointment—put it on the calendar and protect it.

Good options:

• Sunday evening (reflecting on the past week and looking ahead)

• Friday evening (transitioning into the weekend)

• Saturday morning over coffee

• Monday evening (setting the tone for the week)

The specific time doesn't matter as much as consistency. Pick something that works for your schedule and stick with it.

Create the Right Environment

This doesn't have to be elaborate, but environment matters. You want to be:

• Free from distractions: Put phones away. Turn off the TV. Make sure kids are occupied or asleep.

• Comfortable: Sitting together on the couch, across the table with coffee, on a walk—whatever helps you both relax.

• Face-to-face: Make eye contact. Be physically present.

Take Turns Leading

Decide who's going to guide the conversation each week, or take turns answering each question. This ensures both people are fully present rather than one person always driving.

Keep It to 10 Minutes

Set a timer if you need to. The point is that this is doable. If a topic needs more time, that's fine—schedule a longer conversation later. But the regular check-in itself should be brief enough that you'll actually do it every week.

End with Connection

Close your check-in with something connecting:

• Pray together (even just a minute or two)

• Share one thing you're grateful for about each other

• Plan one thing to look forward to together this week

• A hug, a kiss, a moment of physical closeness

Don't just end abruptly and move to the next thing. Transition intentionally.

What This Looks Like in Practice

Let me give you an example of how a 10-minute check-in might actually unfold:

Spiritual (2-3 minutes):

Him: "What's Jesus been teaching you this week?"

Her: "I've been thinking a lot about rest, actually. I read that passage in Matthew where Jesus says 'Come to me, all who are weary, and I will give you rest.' I'm realizing how much I resist actually resting. What about you?"

Him: "That's good. For me, it's been about patience. I keep running into situations at work where I want to control everything, and I'm learning to trust God's timing more."

Emotional (3-4 minutes):

Her: "So emotionally, what's going on with you?"

Him: "Honestly, I'm stressed about the project at work. The deadline is tight and I don't know if we'll make it. But I'm also excited about our trip next month—that's keeping me going. What about you?"

Her: "I'm hopeful about some new opportunities coming up, but I'm also scared about making the wrong decision. And I'm dreaming about what it would be like if we could travel more as a family."

Relational (2-3 minutes):

Him: "What have you appreciated about us this week?"

Her: "I loved that morning we had coffee together before everyone woke up. That felt really connecting. And I appreciated you handling dinner on Tuesday when I was overwhelmed. What about you?"

Him: "I appreciated you being patient with me when I was stressed about work. And I liked how we laughed together watching that show. I feel like we've been pretty good this week."

Practical (1-2 minutes):

Her: "Okay, practical stuff. What's coming up?"

Him: "We have that dinner with friends on Friday. Oh, and we need to decide about the kids' summer camp registration—that's due this week."

Her: "Right. Let's talk about that tomorrow when we have more time. Anything else?"

Him: "Nope, I think that's it."

Close:

Her: "Let's pray together before we're done."

(They pray briefly for each other's concerns and thank God for their week together.)

Total time: about 10 minutes. Simple, focused, connecting.

Common Obstacles (And How to Overcome Them)

"We don't have 10 minutes."

Yes, you do. You have time for what you prioritize. Ten minutes is less than one episode of a TV show, less than scrolling social media. If your marriage matters, you can find 10 minutes.

"This feels forced or awkward."

Most new practices feel awkward at first. Give it 4-6 weeks before deciding if it works. The awkwardness will fade as it becomes routine.

"We already talk about this stuff."

Do you, though? Or do you talk about logistics and assume you know what's going on with each other? Even if you're already communicating well, a structured check-in ensures nothing gets missed.

"What if we uncover something big during the 10 minutes?"

That's okay. Note it, acknowledge it, and schedule time to address it fully. "This sounds important—let's set aside time tomorrow night to really talk about it." The check-in doesn't have to solve everything. It just has to keep you connected.

"My spouse won't want to do this."

Share this post with them and explain why it matters to you. Start with "I'd like to try this for a month and see if it helps us stay connected. Would you be willing to try it with me?" Most spouses will say yes if you approach it as an invitation rather than a demand.

What Changes Over Time

Couples who practice regular check-ins tell me things start to shift:

• They feel more connected, even in busy seasons

• Small issues get addressed before they become big ones

• They understand each other's inner worlds better

• They're on the same team, moving through life together

• They notice and appreciate each other more

• Communication becomes more natural throughout the week

The check-in itself is simple. But the impact compounds over time.

When You Need More Than a Check-In

A weekly check-in is a powerful practice for maintaining connection. But it's not therapy. If your check-ins consistently surface big issues, unresolved conflicts, or deep hurts, that's important information. It might be time to work with a Christian couples therapist who can help you address those deeper patterns.

The check-in keeps you connected. Therapy helps you heal and grow. Both have their place.

Your Invitation

This week, try it. Just once. Pick a time, set aside 10 minutes, and walk through these four areas together:

• Spiritual: What is Jesus teaching you?

• Emotional: What are you scared, hopeful, or dreaming about?

• Relational: What have you appreciated about our relationship this week?

• Practical: What's coming up that we need to discuss?

That's it. Ten minutes. Four questions. One practice that could transform how connected you feel.

Your marriage is worth 10 minutes a week. Start this week and see what happens.

Want help building practices that strengthen your connection? Contact Cardinal Counseling Connection today to schedule a consultation for Christian couples therapy in Greensboro, NC.